I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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