After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
