well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize