That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
