he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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