So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
