honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
