My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I had to cum in my sink.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
