and you said cock pushups were impossible
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
