Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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