yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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