wakey wakey hands off snakey
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
