I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
