i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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