Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
