Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
