he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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