i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
