There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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