I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
