guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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