Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
