Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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