I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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