she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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