I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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