On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
