Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
