I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
