I intend to get homeless drunk
How's work?
Spinning.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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