so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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