i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
