i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Randomize
