The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
