I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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