you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
