grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I enjoy the company of your penis
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize