I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
