I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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