my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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