I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
