He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
