I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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