I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
