quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
