i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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