i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize