peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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