and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
