i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
