My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
