I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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