Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
