Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
