So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
