so explain again why im purple
no
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
