My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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