Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
