If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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