Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
