i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Randomize
