i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
where am i from again
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Can I color on your dick again?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
