Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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