Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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