Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
