my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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