I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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